We appear to be afraid because we don't know how things will turn out.

In fact, we are afraid because we unconsciously expect things will turn out a certain way.

These expectations are often wholly or partially hidden, but they're there... part of your programming, lurking in the background of your awareness, and guiding your behavior.

When events happen in our lives that have a big emotional impact, they contribute to the formation of what's called our implicit memory. When something happens that hurts us, it's written into this implicit memory and automatically triggered in the future by situations that appear similar to what originally happened. Simple example, if you get bitten by a dog, you might feel scared next time you see one. The expectation that you will be bitten is informing the way that you're perceiving the current moment.

These kinds of built-in expectations serve a valuable role, but they can also keep us stuck. If we get burned by a bad relationship, or we get let down by life in some way, we might start to become hesitant to reaching out again, or scared to take a chance on something new.

Feeling stuck somewhere in your life is a sign that this system has taken over. There's some hidden expectation that is running your life, unquestioned, and it's got you afraid to make a move or go forward.

So what can we do about it? Basically, we need to find a way to question these deep assumptions and expectations about life. We need to reprogram the system so that we can see the present moment more clearly for what it is, and let go of the hold our past pain has over our future potential for pleasure and joy.

I believe that these stuck places have what you might call a mind component, and what you might call a body component. Either can be a starting place, but both need to be addressed somehow for real change to happen. The mind component is all about beliefs, and the body component is all about how you're physically showing up in life, and about taking action.

One way to get at the mind part of the equation, really quickly and effectively, is to complete the following sentence. "If I _____________ (insert the thing you're afraid to do), then I might_______________." Or, "If I ____________, then _____________ might happen." Do it a few times. Each time, fill in the second part with whatever springs to mind. Let the picture develop. Let it all come, it's all good information.

One way to get at the body aspect of the equation is to notice what muscles get tight, or where you feel the stress in your body when you think about doing the thing that you're afraid of. These are the ways that you're physically holding yourself back from action. If you start to pay conscious attention to these sensations, you might start to notice different thoughts, or feelings, or actions that want to happen. Again, do your best to just notice whatever comes to mind as you focus there, and let it contribute to your understanding of the whole picture.

The goal in either case is to start to get a conscious handle on what your system has been expecting so that you can question those expectations. "Questioning it" means letting go of trying to control what's going to happen next, opening up to new experiences, and allowing yourself the possibility of being surprised by life. Support can be beneficial (and sometimes even necessary) in this process, and working with a somatic therapist like me, who has training and experience guiding others on this path, can help.

If you're tired of being stuck behind your fears, it's time to take action! You can break down the assumptions that have been holding you back, and start to move forward again.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

— Marie Curie